The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
