i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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