I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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