he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i think my cat just said my name.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
