you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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