One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
