u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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