His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
