i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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