I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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