Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
