I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
