My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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