No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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