so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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