She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
