im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
