and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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