i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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