do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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