I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
