I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
