So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
