I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
