omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
