I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
