I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had to cum in my sink.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
