There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
