You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
