she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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