He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
