Your face is a jimmy john
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
