If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
