so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
