the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
