Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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