please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
