Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
