cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
