i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
