I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
