youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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