Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
