I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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