smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
