fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
