Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
