Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
