My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
