He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
