my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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