when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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