The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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