I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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