Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
this is an emotional support booty call
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
